And here’s what really happened on the Spain Study Abroad 2012. (DISCLAIMER********* For those of you who read this and don’t happen to know the back story – so, pretty much everyone except for a select few – it would probably be wise to disregard this post and entertain yourself some other way by going and looking at my amazing Pinterest boards, reading the last post I wrote about visiting Leon and Burgos because it took me freaking FOREVER to write, or even better, going to bed because if you’re on my blog at all it’s probably because insomnia has hit you in the middle of the night and you aren’t thinking clearly. Just saying.)
Sunday afternoon, 14:30, Alcalá de Henares, Spain.
Said football player missionary is lamenting about his luck because he is getting transferred literally right after a whole slew of extremely attractive mormon girls, both prime for the age of marriage in Mormon standards and completely deprived of men for the next three months, happen to wander their way into his ward where there happens to be literally zero other attractive single prospects for them to drool over.
Said football player missionary musters up his courage to slyly ask the girls for their names so he can “look them up” when he gets back home, under the guise of asking all the other members to write down their names too.
Boy-starved girls fall for the trap.
As a lovely Ms. Millward is carefully putting down her digits so that there’s no mistakes when he finally looks her up, a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter watches the said football player missionary’s hands begin to sweat because he realizes that he won’t be able to look any of the girls up until his p-day.
SO, out of the kindness of the observer’s heart, he approaches the missionary after church and asks if said football player missionary if he would like him to hack his facebook and request the girls that afternoon.
…even though he was. and so the said third party observer went home, hacked the said football player missionary’s facebook, and added the only names he could remember, Chloe and Kari, because he thought those two names were the most beautiful. (duh)
Anyway, a few weeks go by and then one sunday, an incredibly handsome and chiseled and great Italian missionary walks in, and immediately Elise’s reaction is
because this man is smokin’ and radiating the gospel like it aint no body’s business.
He also happens to be a haute couture model in his free time. Immediately upon seeing her from across the chapel, he runs up to her and promises he will look for her when he gets back home. She almost passes out because he is so incredibly ridiculously good looking, but he simply smiles, maintaining a missionary-safe distance from her, and says that it’s okay, his intensity scares some people.
Time passes by and all of the girls go their separate ways back to BYU, and all of a sudden one day they get a wedding invitation in the mail that invites them to celebrate the marriage of Elise and…none other than that beautiful italian stallion! They stick the invitation up on their fridge nestled next to 43 other of their friend’s wedding invitations that are happening that same month as well. #foreveralone
Finally the day of the wedding comes, and all of the girls reunite in hopes of catching the bouquet and snagging their own man. Elise stands at the front door singing:
“Welcome to my wedding day, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to my wedding day!!!!”
As they go through the line to congratulate the bride and groom, Miriam quietly asks Elise how she did it. Her response:
even though she hadn’t even been married for 2 hours. Some guys just, walk in the light, you know? #hellomylifesucks
But then… all of a sudden… in walk the groomsmen, who happen to all be incredibly, deliciously single. It’s like the daughters of Ismael, only men – there just happens to be a perfect male to female ratio and they all are attracted to each other and have marriage on their minds.
Ladies and gentlemen, can I get an amen??? Kari pushes through to the front saying, and I quote,
“I will gladly, gladly, flirt with anyone at the wedding!”
And guess what? She does! They all do! Using only the most suave of pickup lines.
And the night goes on, filled with dancing and flirting and love in the air. The girls even remember to chew like they have secrets, even though they wish they could attack all of the attractive groomsmen.
The story progresses from there, and eventually all of the girls’ other roommates have even more wedding invitations to stick to the front of their refrigerator, reminding them every time they go to get something to eat that all they’re doing is getting fatter and more single as their other friends are getting married to hot men.
Thank you for listening.