To those of you unfamiliar with the term “hangry”, please, do yourself and your loved ones a favor and allow me to enlighten you. The time is well-past due to undertake and address the brooding shadow that hanger has cast over the lives of so many people of this world. This post is meant to inform and educate, and not to shame or create fear amongst the general uninformed public.
According to the reliable and notoriously-appropriate URBANDICTIONARY.COM, the word hangry is defined as follows:
When you are so hungry that your lack of food causes you to become angry, frustrated or both.
An amalgum of hungry and angry invented to describe that feeling when you get when you are out at a restaurant and have been waiting over an hour to get the meal that you have ordered.
Now folks, the hangry that I speak of is not to be confused with the Japanese female pop/rock duo Hangry and Angry, which, upon googling, procured over 1,040,000 hits in under 0.21 seconds.
No, hangry is what happens when 18 girls have had too much of each other for three months straight and it’s getting close to dinner time and no one can agree on a place to eat. And boy, is it scary.
Have you ever been out and about one day with a loved one and thought “Oh for heaven’s sake, give that child a candy bar before she rips someone’s head off”? If so, read on. Hangry is a little-known but extremely common problem, debilitating for both sufferers and the people who are unfortunate enough to be in their direct proximity. It is very possible to know a hangry person without being aware of it, as well as falling victim to the horrible enfermedad yourself. Just remember, the first step to solving the problem is denial admitting the issue, and if you do, you’ll be able to avoid starring on an episode of Snapped. Unless that’s a life goal or something of course.
One of the most horrifying parts of this condition is that it is insidious and can come swiftly without warning…sort of like a monsoon flood. It elicits snappy, impatient demeanor and every lick of logic and reason evaporates within seconds.
(I would like to apologize ahead of time if this is a picture of your child, but I felt it necessary to use as an example to inform the world of this affliction. Like I said before, the first step is acceptance, and it just may be time to accept that your child is disturbingly creepy and needs to be checked by a licensed physician.)
It is imperative to realize that there are many different types of hangry, many of which I have experienced firsthand during my field research studying this group of girls while I’ve been away in Spain. There is the recently hangry, the I-hate-you hangry, the kill-yourself hangry, the simmering-pot hangry, the I’ll-try-to-be-mature-and-remove-myself-from-the-group hangry, etc., etc. How do we avoid this, you ask? Here are some tips to remember if you ever find yourself in perilous territory:
1) Do not approach the hangry person.
2) Do not attempt to share any of their food, even though it may look delicious.
3) Do not put fingers near mouth until he/she (typically a she…not to be sexist or anything, but men can usually just go punch something and the hanger subsides momentarily until it can be remedied) can be fed and talked down to a reasonable state.
4) Do not attempt to hold the hangry person responsible for their actions and behavior until sufficiently fed.
5) Do not attempt to be chivalrous and let the hangry person choose where to eat. Just choose the dang place and get some food in them. They’ll thank you later.
6) **especially for dating and/or married couples** Do NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT begin to insinuate that your partner may be hangry, or even begin to reason with them, until the hangry has been cured. If you do this, you will ALWAYS lose.
During my extensive research that has been executed on my time abroad, I have collected several testimonials from actual victims of hanger. (No animals were harmed in this study.)
“I was been previously diagnosed with Hanger, so I went to my Doctor. He prescribed a large cheese pizza, a dozen wings and a rootbeer. Bam! I was cured.”
“Sometimes when I’m out with friends, I start to get all fumed up and feel like I want to punch someone. Luckily, I have found an amazing support group that can recognize my symptoms and hand me a granola bar before I go bazerk.”
“I never used to associate my lack of menu decision-making skills as a symptom of hanger, but I realize now that it always happens when I’m really hungry. To prevent this, I just throw down my menu and tell them to bring me she chef’s specialty!”
In conclusion, do your best to avoid the hangry people of the world, and don’t fall victim to the infirmity yourself. There are ways to prevent it, and roads to recovery. Join a support group if you have to. I found one on facebook that is called “Save The Poor and Hangry People” if you’re interested (although, it only had one like and I wouldn’t be surprised if the unintelligent group administrator accidentally spelled “hungry” wrong.)
Prepare. Be hanger aware.